this spinster is taking her ass to toronto! the point is to pursue one's own goals and dreams, instead of being a handmaiden for everyone else's goals and dreams.
even when the spinster appears to be living a carefree, freewheeling, selfish life, she's still on some level serving some other woman who is married and has kids. in some way she is kind of latching on to some family unit or another, trying to get a piece.
no more! time to break away. the risk is breaking away into a total void where there will be nobody to love her, but whatever. that's always the risk. and it's that fear that keeps her subservient, and not the married kind of subservient with the concomitant perks of sex and babies and her own kitchen.
all the way alone. shooting the moon, bitches!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
TEAM SPINTER'S spinster team!
1. Jane Eyre
qualifications:
lonely, not pretty, one imagines her in gray, romantic, brave, poor, fictional, eventually gets her man, but only after he is badly damaged.
2. Jane Austen
qualifications:
lonely, romantic/satirical, writer, best friends with her sister, not pretty, one imagines her with very thin hair, brave, poor, rumors of a tragic failed romance, never gets her man.
3. Beatrix Potter
qualifications:
lonely, romantic, artist, not super pretty, tragic romance, rich!, one imagines her with an oddly red face, eventually gets her man, but no children.
4. Elizabeth Barrett Browning
qualifications:
lonely, romantic, poet, not super pretty, tragically ill, well off, one imagines her with unfortunate hairstyle, eventually gets her man and lives fabulous life in portugal!
5. the Ladies of Llangollen
qualifications:
I'm pretty sure they were lezes.
6. all the Bronte sisters
qualifications:
poor, romantic, writers, one imagines that maybe one got married, but one is too lazy to wiki it to find out.
7. oh some others. maybe you could suggest?
qualifications:
lonely, not pretty, one imagines her in gray, romantic, brave, poor, fictional, eventually gets her man, but only after he is badly damaged.
2. Jane Austen
qualifications:
lonely, romantic/satirical, writer, best friends with her sister, not pretty, one imagines her with very thin hair, brave, poor, rumors of a tragic failed romance, never gets her man.
3. Beatrix Potter
qualifications:
lonely, romantic, artist, not super pretty, tragic romance, rich!, one imagines her with an oddly red face, eventually gets her man, but no children.
4. Elizabeth Barrett Browning
qualifications:
lonely, romantic, poet, not super pretty, tragically ill, well off, one imagines her with unfortunate hairstyle, eventually gets her man and lives fabulous life in portugal!
5. the Ladies of Llangollen
qualifications:
I'm pretty sure they were lezes.
6. all the Bronte sisters
qualifications:
poor, romantic, writers, one imagines that maybe one got married, but one is too lazy to wiki it to find out.
7. oh some others. maybe you could suggest?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
uncomfortable levels of self-disclosure
here at TEAM SPINSTER! we believe in uncomfortable levels of self-disclosure.
and masturbation.
in the interest of promoting the two I would like to share a few tips with our readers (by which I mean, probably just the three of us.)
Sex Tips for lonely hearts!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. I know it's played, but maybe rent a johnny depp movie. or if you're into blondes any of the new james bonds OR mmm. the transporter. any scene where he takes off his shirt is good. just memorize those scenes... you will need them later.
2. lube is vital! the best is extra virgin (heh heh) coconut oil!
you can't use this with a partner if you're using condoms, because it will destroy the latex, but it's a really nice lube that doesn't get sticky and it smells really good, so if you're uncomfortable with yourself at all it's a bonus. also it makes a great moisturizer and you can cook with it! what else do you want in a lube??
3. listen if you don't use anything bigger than your finger, you are still a virgin. don't worry about it.
4. pick some mood music. I like the dirty projectors.
5. talk to yourself. it sounds silly, but it can be fun. also I think this tip would make sex with another person more fun, as it focuses the mind and the body.
6. for women it really is all about the mind body connection.
7. that's why you really want to think "whole body" on your "sexplorations"
8. also... switch positions! why not?
9. variety is the spice of life bitches.
10. if all else fails break out the wine and anais nin.
11. sometimes you have to take a break and start over later.
well. that's all I have for you right now. I'll work on it and get back to you all later.
keep your end up!!
xo-
Cap'n V.
and masturbation.
in the interest of promoting the two I would like to share a few tips with our readers (by which I mean, probably just the three of us.)
Sex Tips for lonely hearts!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. I know it's played, but maybe rent a johnny depp movie. or if you're into blondes any of the new james bonds OR mmm. the transporter. any scene where he takes off his shirt is good. just memorize those scenes... you will need them later.
2. lube is vital! the best is extra virgin (heh heh) coconut oil!
you can't use this with a partner if you're using condoms, because it will destroy the latex, but it's a really nice lube that doesn't get sticky and it smells really good, so if you're uncomfortable with yourself at all it's a bonus. also it makes a great moisturizer and you can cook with it! what else do you want in a lube??
3. listen if you don't use anything bigger than your finger, you are still a virgin. don't worry about it.
4. pick some mood music. I like the dirty projectors.
5. talk to yourself. it sounds silly, but it can be fun. also I think this tip would make sex with another person more fun, as it focuses the mind and the body.
6. for women it really is all about the mind body connection.
7. that's why you really want to think "whole body" on your "sexplorations"
8. also... switch positions! why not?
9. variety is the spice of life bitches.
10. if all else fails break out the wine and anais nin.
11. sometimes you have to take a break and start over later.
well. that's all I have for you right now. I'll work on it and get back to you all later.
keep your end up!!
xo-
Cap'n V.
It's Over
I think it's over between me and Bob. He's not forced to come over to my house and put mud on the walls anymore.
Love,
BVO
Love,
BVO
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
don't hate me
because i can go to the midnight show of the julie and julia movie without arranging childcare!
it's because i don't have children. and i have to go by myself. nobody really cares whether i'm around at night or not.
pathetic or super-fun? you decide.
it's because i don't have children. and i have to go by myself. nobody really cares whether i'm around at night or not.
pathetic or super-fun? you decide.
ACTIVITIES!
1. the long shower
2. the extravagant poop!
3. cat fancy
4. daydreaming about future husband
5. daydreaming about wedding colors
6. daydreaming about kid's names
7. looking at fashion magazines
8. wondering how much a brazilian bikini wax really does hurt...
9. can they put an initial down there?
10. will it look crazy with my mole?
just things, really.
xo-
Cappy Vag
2. the extravagant poop!
3. cat fancy
4. daydreaming about future husband
5. daydreaming about wedding colors
6. daydreaming about kid's names
7. looking at fashion magazines
8. wondering how much a brazilian bikini wax really does hurt...
9. can they put an initial down there?
10. will it look crazy with my mole?
just things, really.
xo-
Cappy Vag
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Brown Eyes and Blonde Hair
Yesterday I was having a conversation with this guy, let's call him Bob. I want to touch him in the worst way. He is delightful. He asks me questions. He has flippy outy soccer hair and kind of looks like Dana Carvey and he's older so I imagine that he thinks that I'm still fresh and young. He was telling me about this lady who wants to be his girlfriend and how he wants nothing to do with her. Somehow I got the feeling that he was trying to tell me the same thing. I still love him. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Smooch, smooch, smooch.
Love,
Barren Von Ovaries
Love,
Barren Von Ovaries
Welcome to TEAM SPINSTER!!
in which we bitch about being single and old and never getting laid because we are MORMON.
*featuring CAPTAIN VAGINA!*
*also sex tips for masturbaters!
*occasional guest THE GAY DIVORCEE!
~why is she so happy? bitch she's single AGAIN!
stay tuned, lads and ladies!
xo-
CAPTAIN VAGINA!
*featuring CAPTAIN VAGINA!*
*also sex tips for masturbaters!
*occasional guest THE GAY DIVORCEE!
~why is she so happy? bitch she's single AGAIN!
stay tuned, lads and ladies!
xo-
CAPTAIN VAGINA!
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