the last member of team spinster will get married this september. the other two members of team spinster got married and are having babies. CRAZY, but that's the way it goes sometimes. maybe our next blog could be called "team old moms" or something.
this spinster is taking her ass to toronto! the point is to pursue one's own goals and dreams, instead of being a handmaiden for everyone else's goals and dreams.
even when the spinster appears to be living a carefree, freewheeling, selfish life, she's still on some level serving some other woman who is married and has kids. in some way she is kind of latching on to some family unit or another, trying to get a piece.
no more! time to break away. the risk is breaking away into a total void where there will be nobody to love her, but whatever. that's always the risk. and it's that fear that keeps her subservient, and not the married kind of subservient with the concomitant perks of sex and babies and her own kitchen.
1. Jane Eyre qualifications: lonely, not pretty, one imagines her in gray, romantic, brave, poor, fictional, eventually gets her man, but only after he is badly damaged.
2. Jane Austen qualifications: lonely, romantic/satirical, writer, best friends with her sister, not pretty, one imagines her with very thin hair, brave, poor, rumors of a tragic failed romance, never gets her man.
3. Beatrix Potter qualifications: lonely, romantic, artist, not super pretty, tragic romance, rich!, one imagines her with an oddly red face, eventually gets her man, but no children.
4. Elizabeth Barrett Browning qualifications: lonely, romantic, poet, not super pretty, tragically ill, well off, one imagines her with unfortunate hairstyle, eventually gets her man and lives fabulous life in portugal!
5. the Ladies of Llangollen qualifications: I'm pretty sure they were lezes.
6. all the Bronte sisters qualifications: poor, romantic, writers, one imagines that maybe one got married, but one is too lazy to wiki it to find out.
here at TEAM SPINSTER! we believe in uncomfortable levels of self-disclosure.
in the interest of promoting the two I would like to share a few tips with our readers (by which I mean, probably just the three of us.)
Sex Tips for lonely hearts! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. I know it's played, but maybe rent a johnny depp movie. or if you're into blondes any of the new james bonds OR mmm. the transporter. any scene where he takes off his shirt is good. just memorize those scenes... you will need them later.
2. lube is vital! the best is extra virgin (heh heh) coconut oil! you can't use this with a partner if you're using condoms, because it will destroy the latex, but it's a really nice lube that doesn't get sticky and it smells really good, so if you're uncomfortable with yourself at all it's a bonus. also it makes a great moisturizer and you can cook with it! what else do you want in a lube??
3. listen if you don't use anything bigger than your finger, you are still a virgin. don't worry about it.
4. pick some mood music. I like the dirty projectors.
5. talk to yourself. it sounds silly, but it can be fun. also I think this tip would make sex with another person more fun, as it focuses the mind and the body.
6. for women it really is all about the mind body connection.
7. that's why you really want to think "whole body" on your "sexplorations"
8. also... switch positions! why not?
9. variety is the spice of life bitches.
10. if all else fails break out the wine and anais nin.
11. sometimes you have to take a break and start over later.
well. that's all I have for you right now. I'll work on it and get back to you all later.