BVO Has BO

I forgot to put on deodorant today.

It's Over

I think it's over between me and Bob. He's not forced to come over to my house and put mud on the walls anymore.

Love,
BVO

don't hate me

because i can go to the midnight show of the julie and julia movie without arranging childcare!

it's because i don't have children. and i have to go by myself. nobody really cares whether i'm around at night or not.

pathetic or super-fun? you decide.

ACTIVITIES!

1. the long shower
2. the extravagant poop!
3. cat fancy
4. daydreaming about future husband
5. daydreaming about wedding colors
6. daydreaming about kid's names
7. looking at fashion magazines
8. wondering how much a brazilian bikini wax really does hurt...
9. can they put an initial down there?
10. will it look crazy with my mole?

just things, really.

xo-
Cappy Vag

Brown Eyes and Blonde Hair

Yesterday I was having a conversation with this guy, let's call him Bob. I want to touch him in the worst way. He is delightful. He asks me questions. He has flippy outy soccer hair and kind of looks like Dana Carvey and he's older so I imagine that he thinks that I'm still fresh and young. He was telling me about this lady who wants to be his girlfriend and how he wants nothing to do with her. Somehow I got the feeling that he was trying to tell me the same thing. I still love him. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Smooch, smooch, smooch.

Love,
Barren Von Ovaries

Welcome to TEAM SPINSTER!!

in which we bitch about being single and old and never getting laid because we are MORMON.

*featuring CAPTAIN VAGINA!*
*also sex tips for masturbaters!
*occasional guest THE GAY DIVORCEE!
~why is she so happy? bitch she's single AGAIN!

stay tuned, lads and ladies!

xo-
CAPTAIN VAGINA!